


Real Jamie

by EryiScrye (SomberSecrets)



Series: The Braime Place [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Do You Know How Hard It Is To Write Jamie Instead of Jaime?, Drabble, F/M, It Is Very Hard, Jaime is bad at feelings, Who knew?, the good place AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:26:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23919688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomberSecrets/pseuds/EryiScrye
Summary: Jaime forking hates Real Jamie and it absolutely, totally, for sure has nothing to do with the fact that Real Jamie is Brienne's "soulmate". Nothing. At. All.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Series: The Braime Place [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1724194
Comments: 40
Kudos: 96





	Real Jamie

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to lewispanda for betaing!!!!
> 
> To fully understand this fic, you probably need to have watched the first season of The Good Place. However, if you just want a struggling with feelings Jaime, this fic will work for you too.

Jaime gnashed his teeth together as he did everything he possibly could to keep himself from growling at the man sitting across from him and so blatantly flirting with Brienne. Stubborn as a rock, slow, dour Brienne. Kind, honourable, gentle Brienne. Jaime’s jaw clicked and he winced in pain, bringing his hand up to massage the ache. 

Large blue eyes, _beautiful, guileless_ blue eyes turned to him. “Are you okay, Jaime?”

Jaime was about to reply when Euron interrupted him, “Yeah, Fake Jaime, how _are_ you doing?” the demon grinned as he threw his feet onto the dining table and leaned back in his chair, arms folded behind his head. The three other diners steadied their rocking dinners and Brienne stared at the muddy and sandy boots that were now mere inches away from her food.

“Forking, fork off,” Jaime growled.

Euron quirked an eyebrow, “Realizing just how much you don’t belong yet?”

“Don’t say that,” their last diner replied calmly. Jaime resisted the urge to snap his teeth at him. He did _not_ want _this_ man defending him. “I think everyone is capable of being good. Right, Jaime?”

Brienne nodded furiously even though the question had been addressed to him and Jaime just wanted to grab her shoulders and shake her. There was no one in the world that was _this_ nice. No one but her. “I think so, too.”

Euron just continued to smirk at Jaime, “Look at that, Fake Jaime. Brienne and Real Jamie, two people who belong in the Good Place, saying that everyone is redeemable. And us, the two trash bags, who belong in the Bad Place, knowing that’s simply just not true.”

“Don’t listen to him,” their brown haired, brown eyed, quite frankly unremarkable, boring, shirt for brains dinner companion said. Jaime mentally screamed. He couldn’t even forking curse in his forking thoughts. Somehow, Jaime hated Real Jamie much, much more than the demon hell bent on torturing him. At least Euron was being honest about who he was and what his intentions were. Jaime didn’t trust Real Jamie one bit. Maybe he just wanted to be Real Jamie.

A hand reached out and touched his. Jaime looked up to see that Brienne’s gaze had returned to him, “It’s going to be okay. We’ll find a way for you to stay.” Jaime’s face trembled and he was about to smile at her until she turned towards the other man again, “Won’t we, Jamie?”

Jaime wrenched his hand out of Brienne’s grasp, his nostrils flaring. Brienne turned questioning eyes to him. Euron had conjured a toothpick and was picking at his teeth as obnoxiously and grotesquely as possible, flicking plague every which way. “Oh, come on bear face—“

“Don’t forking call her that!” Jaime snarled.

Euron’s eyebrow rose, as Brienne’s head swiveled back and forth between the two of them, her cheeks ruddy in embarrassment as she drew in on herself. “Alright then, _doll face—_ “ Euron said with all of the falsity in the world dripping from his voice.

“Her name is Brienne!”

Jaime would have also launched out of his seat and stabbed him with a steak knife if Brienne hadn’t grabbed his thigh at that exact moment. “Jaime!” she said urgently, “It’s fine.”

“It’s not forking fine,” Jaime hissed through gritted teeth.

“Don’t speak to my soulmate like that, Euron,” Real Jamie added sharply.

Suddenly Jaime wanted to launch himself at two people. He wondered if he could ask Sansa to duplicate him and maybe conjure up a sword or two while doing so. Was that within her power? Well, if Real Jamie really meant to defend Brienne, he was giving it a fairly poor effort so far. Jaime took a look at her, but she was now making starry eyes at _him_ anyways. Jaime sat back in a pout, which managed to draw her attention back to him. 

Brienne patted his knee, “Just keep doing good things and we’ll get you there.”

He wanted to tell her she was the only good thing at this table, but instead he said, “Fork this.”

Brienne shook her head and offered him a small smile, “And maybe start swearing less.”

“I’m not swearing, I’m telling you,” he reached for the utensil beside his dinner plate, “What this is. Fork,” he swept his hand up and down the length of the silverware, “This.”

Brienne hid her smile behind her hand, “You swore there, too, didn’t you?”

“Well, what swear did I use?”

“You said the f-word!” Brienne snort laughed, then fully clamped her palm to her face, blushing to the roots of her hair. Jaime wanted to pull it away so he could hear the whole loud brightness of it.

Jaime wanted to cry laugh. “And you can’t even say fork when all you can say is fork!” Why the hell was this giant woman so bloody _endearing_?

“You shouldn’t hide your laugh like that,” Real Jamie said. Brienne and Jaime turned to him, “I, for one, would love to hear it everyday.”

Brienne lowered her arm, a flush on the apples of her cheeks, “Really?” 

“Really,” Real Jamie intoned. Jaime wanted to _strangle_ him.

“Nah,” Euron said as the legs of his chair crashed down to the ground and he pulled his feet off of the table along with the majority of the contents as well. Brienne gasped and Jaime batted at the plates so they wouldn’t fall on him. “I would tell most girls to smile more, but you, _doll face_ , should definitely smile less.”

Jaime’s head snapped to look over at Brienne as she went as pale as a sheet and her mouth unnaturally pulled itself into a straight line. Murder would probably completely bar him from the Good Place, but it was a risk Jaime was willing to take.

Real Jamie reached for Brienne’s hand, “Hey, don’t listen to him. He’s a demon. You’re beautiful.”

Jaime turned a queer eye towards this man with the too honest face whom said all the nice words. Brienne was insurmountably kind, but she was also honest. He knew that she knew that she was not beautiful. Unique, brilliant, witty, and statuesque, sure, but not beautiful. To call her something that was obviously not true instead of all the things that were true was blatantly disregarding all of the wonderful things about her in order to try and justify her existence on one condition. But maybe he was just being a cynic and that was what some people needed to hear - to hear that they were beautiful even if it wasn’t the only thing that mattered. Jaime forking hated Real Jamie.

Euron leaned over and whispered in Jaime’s ear, “And you want to get in between that chemistry.” Euron shook his head and drew back with a smirk on his face. 

Jaime’s face twisted. Was there chemistry, though? He thought he saw more chemistry adding water to water. _Adding like to like_.

Euron snapped his fingers in the air, “Good Sansa!”

_Ping._ “Hi, there!”

As always, Brienne waved and Jaime nodded in acknowledgement of her presence. _Progress_. Forking perfect Real Jamie gave Sansa a smile.

Euron gestured at the mess he just made, “Clean this up. And get me your best bottle of rum.”

_Ping._ The mess disappeared. _Ping_. A bottle appeared in Sansa’s hands. “Here you go! The best bottle of rum ever produced from the sea side town of–”

Euron scrunch up his nose, “I mean your worst bottle of rum.”

_Ping_. “Here you go. The worst bottle of rum ever produced from the basement of–”

“And two shot glasses.”

_Ping._ “Here you go.”

Euron grinned, “Perfect. Now go away.”

“Okay!” _Ping._

Jaime patted Brienne’s hand soothingly as the horror had mounted on her face through the whole interaction. Such empathy even for the not-a-girl, not-a-robot.

Euron poured two shots of what honestly looked like hand sanitizer and pushed one glass in front of Jaime. “To two trash bags.”

“Please, don’t drink that,” Brienne and Real Jamie said in unison.

Against his better judgement, Jaime took the shot.

**Author's Note:**

> So I have been wanting to write a The Good Place AU for a long time and was wibble wobbling on the cast of the six main characters and how in all names to start it from the beginning so I set it aside. And then someone else said Good Place AU and my brain said snort wouldn’t it be funny if Hyle was Real Jamie? And then this happened…
> 
> And now I find it even funnier that as hard as Hyle is trying to pretend to be Brienne’s soulmate, he’s just striking out SO hard.
> 
> Also hunt would definitely be the bleep word for cunt, so when they find out Real Jamie is Hyle, Jaime calls him Hyle the Hunt.
> 
> One day there may be more to this universe so I have made a series. Subscribe to that if you would like more xD


End file.
